"The Tale About How Come The Jaybirds Aint Nekkid No More"


"The Tale About How Come The Jaybirds Aint Nekkid No More"

(From the forthcoming 'Bygod Stories', as told by C. Kingfisher)

There once was a coupla jaybirds settin up in a tree just as nekkid as could be and one Jaybird says to the other’n

“This is about perfect now aint it”

but I guess it wasn’t talkin so much as it was singing so the other Jaybird sings on back

“Yes sireeee nothin could make us more happy”

for you see back in them days them jaybirds was just as happy as could be even though they was naked they did not care none.

“Yes nothing could make us more happy”

says one of them birds and the other agrees


and they sit there in silence and bask in the sun in their nekkidness.

After a piece they see a fish down below in a stream swimming and his scales glowing like all the colors of the rainbow like the great many colored coat like that coat Joseph’s daddy give him and one of them birds says

“See that fish down there he sure looks beautiful in all that colored skin glowing in the sun like that coat Joseph’s daddy give him for he loved him so.”

“Yes sir” says the second Jaybird “but see now that fish aint got no wings like us jaybirds and he cannot fly and see all of the earth above as the good lord intended now can he. He is stuck underwater and if you pulled him outta there he’d drown for the very air we breathe.”

And that first bird had to agree that no that fish could not indeed see the earth from above as the Good Lord intended and he would indeed be drowned out of the water by the very air they breathed.

So them two jaybirds sets a minute in the quiet then they see a bison comin along slow n steady like a great steam engine he with a great head and mane and body of crow black hair for back in them days buffalo had hair all over their body not just on the upper parts. So this great bison has a great coat of flowin crow black hair like a great Indian Chief that the Good Lord gave the land unto for to wander.

“See that bison down there” says the first Jaybird “he sure does have a great body of flowin crow black hair like the man the Lord gave this land unto”

and the second Jaybird says

“Yes but he cannot alight upon the limbs of a great tall tree and sleep in its branches can he no he has to sleep upon the dirt of the ground like the very devil hisself”

and the second Jaybird has to agree that no that a bison cannot sleep in no bygod tree.

So they set again in the still of the evening when a great buck comes graceful as the wind with his sleek brown coat and a great head of horns like the great kings of old in the Bible like David who was a man after the Good Lord’s very own heart and one of them jaybirds says

“See that great buck down there he sure has got a great crown upon his head like as if he were a king of old like God’s own son”

and that second Jaybird says

“Sure but he gets hunted by the sons of god for that there crown and his very meat where as we are tough and don’t taste no good and have no real crowns for to care about”

and the other Jaybird did have to agree that they was tough and gamey and homelier n a mud fence so no man will hunt em.

But just as it does with a human man it does with the beasts of the field that a great discontent and jealousy kindled in those jaybirds so that the next day they went down and sat upon the shore of the stream until that beautiful fish swam by and they caught him up in their beaks and they skinned him alive and took his skin and they put it on themselves.

But still they did not think they were covered up enough so they waited for the bison and when he came along they pecked at him and tore out tufts of his beautiful crow black coat until he was bloodied and bald as all hell and they covered themselves in his coat.

But still this was not enough for them so they set and waited for the great buck until he came down the path and they set upon him fiercely and pecked at him until they tore the crown of antlers from his head and set them upon themselves.

Only then were they done.

Then in the cool of the day they heard the Good Lord walkin about the Earth and they hid in the tree for they looked goddamn ridiculous.

“Jaybirds” called out The Lord God “Where are you”

and they said

“We are here daddy”

for they knew it was no use hiding from the Lord their God and the Lord saw them and said

“What are you bygod wearing”

and they said

“We were ashamed to be nekkid so we went and took the clothes of the other animals.”

“Well you look dadblamed foolish” says God “did you not know I made you such as you are for a purpose”

and them jaybirds says

“Well I guess not”

for you see jaybirds are vain but they aint exactly smart.

“I made you nekkid so that you could fly high and far and long unhindered by the wind”

says God and the jaybirds did have to admit that with all these trappings they could neither fly high nor far nor long.

“But if it is your wish to not be nekkid I will give you some clothes but you have to give the ones you stole back.”

So them jaybirds gave back the deer his horns back and this is why to this day the bucks antlers fall off and they gave the bison his fur back but this is why buffalo only have half a coat and they gave the fish back his skin and this is why you eat the skin on a fish for they sealed it on him good and tight so it’s never come off. And this is why there is natural enmity between the jaybird and all the other animals on the Earth.

And then the Lord gave them jaybirds some clothes that are noticeable like the mark of Cain so the other animals would see em comin for they are trouble and not too colorful not like that coat Joseph’s daddy give him but clothes just the same and those jaybirds were happier n a hog on ice for we all know jaybirds are vain but they aint exactly smart birds and this is how come the jaybird aint nekkid no more to this day.

 Well you asked me so I told you and that's the bygod truth.